So get this: Tonight, after work, at 6-ish p.m., I will walk from 15th Street and 8th Avenue, all the way over to Union Square, up to the Northeast corner, where I will attend my first class at the New York Film Academy. Yes, my minions, I will be starting my 12 week program in digital filmmaking. I will be required to make three short films by December, and then all friends and family are invited to the screening. I think I'll adopt Steven Spielberg, the Weinsteins, Terry Gilliam, Quentin Tarantino, Takashi Miike and many, many others, so they can come and support me in my time of glory. Nothing like family, right?

This is all part of my plan, now. It wasn't at the beginning. In the beginning, I was just going to take some cash, get behind a camera and start yelling at people to do my bidding. But apparently there's more to directing that just yelling at people, and then being publicly disappointed by them when they don't bring you the cerulian sweater that's so essential in communicating the desperation in your main character. Who knew?

Anyway, I'll be required to do some yelling, and at other times, take the yelling from other people. That means, in clear and concise English, I'll have to do all the other jobs that come with making a movie, like director of photography, lighting guy, sound dude, editor, and coffee jockey.

Wish me luck. And you're all invited to the screening.